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I'm not sure where I stand right now.  The pressure at work is building up so much it's making my life somewhat miserable.  I'm putting in the hours and much more at home.  I've been wanting to build a career so bad that I'm doing whatever it takes to succeed in this industry.  Only thing is that with this much pressure and work, it makes me wonder why I'm working.  I feel like I've never really worked hard at anything for a while, and now I've found an industry that I actually feel like I belong in, then the industry and economy takes a dump again and now I feel like I'm back at Countrywide.  My plan at Countrywide was to build background industry experience for a year, then my aunt was going to move me into another department since she's in a higher position.  She was the first to get laid off so my plans for that had went to shits.  And a friend had introduced me into this job, and was hoping to learn from him since I have no industry knowledge, but he's no longer there so it's up to me to learn on my own.   Being in sales and having to learn and pitch and hit goals and to supply reviews and reasons and shiet the list just goes on. 

What's on my mind lately is thinking of the time when I was in Taiwan.  Granted I was on vacation and just having a good time, but it felt like home there.  I know the saying the grass is always greener on the other side, but... fawk.  I was much closer to my family in Taiwan, and even though me and my mom still argue from time to time, mostly cuz I have a short fuse with her, but it was nice to have her around.  We still have lots of laughs.  I think my mind is trying to show me the times when I was more relax and had no worries. 

I think everything put together is causing me to doubt my confidence.  My dad is back to is old ways, lying, gambling again, and just not caring about the family.  Me and my brother are taking care of my grandparents here, and honestly that was the reason why I didn't move back to the bay.  The original plan was to move to LA for a year or two and come back, but since my gramps suffered a stroke, my family needed me here to help take care of him.  For the first time in my life, I'm having money issues.  It's not too bad, still under 10 grand, but still a problem. 

Also, I was dating someone back in Taiwan, but we recently decided to end our relationship.  Her name is Kerry, and she was one of the best things that happened to me since I moved down to LA.  I left Taiwan last year in June or July, but we kept our relationship going until recently, last week.  Since I moved to LA, I have not seriously dated anyone, and it makes me wonder if LA is right for me.  Any girl I had come accross that I was interested either is from the Bay or used to live in the Bay, weird right?

Anyways, need to start working, just needed to vent out for a bit.  There's just too many things on my mind, not sure what to do with it all.